Prisoner Of Love

Prisoner of Love

Boy meets girl. They become friends then find out they like each other. Then fall in love. Date for a while. Get married and have kids. Grow old and die together. Typical romantic structure right? Not for me, just not this time. No one can get their fairytale ending. Still, the way he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes that when the sunlight hit them just right, it could light up a room. His smile can make any gray cloud zoom away any time, any day. When I am close, I forget to breath and my heart beats like a humming birds wings. His voice as he says good night or I love you, sends a tingling sensation from the top of my neck down to my little toes. The way he sleeps on my lap after a long day and I can feel his chest moving up and down as he inhales and exhales. It makes me feel so comfortable. How I fit so perfectly into his arms every time he holds me and I never want him to let go. And no matter what we are doing I can’t help but smile. When he’s close to me…my heart is so warm, like the sun on a spring afternoon.
You may look at this picture and agree with all of the things I just said. But my smile has become a frown. His eyes full that were full of happiness has be come full of anger like a bull about to charge. The arms around me that once held me so close, becomes pointing and waving in the air frantically. His words of I love you and good night become, you never have time and, you just don’t get it. When he does get close my heart does beat fast but for a reason uncertain at this point. The tingling sensation becomes a heat of rage surging all over. My heart that was once warm now feels cold like a long and snowy winter. And the smiles…have turned into frowns, completely expression less. I look at this picture now after 3 years of togetherness;  will stay forever in this picture like a prison in a frame.  I will forever hold it close; because it is the only way I can ever see your face everyday…

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Quickie Update (Sorry for the long Post)

Holy wow WordPress,

It has been a while, and I mean a very very very very long time. I think its time to update you on everything that has happened this past year.

So lets start off with a few things. I have graduated from AAU. I believe I already covered that in one of my previous posts but this year has been tough since I graduated. Image

Mom and I have been at each other’s throat trying to find me a full time job and good pay and all that good jazz.

Then I did a internship. It was at Defranco Creative. IF you know him, he’s a youtuber named Philip Defranco. Look him up, he’s pretty cool. I met some pretty amazing people and they have been very awesome in my life since I lost all my friends from high school. They have slowly become my gang. And I love every moment of it.ImageImageImageImageImage

Jasmine, Reina, Tiffany, Stefan, Sara, Corey, Neil and Charlie. They have been with me for a while. Not Janelle or Ashley or Shobek status but pretty damn close. The internship was very very hard but I made friendships that I will cherish forever. But then after that I couldn’t find a job. I started to teach karate after the internship ended and then worked for Frys Electronics and that was a horrible experience. It wasn’t getting any better.It was hitting me pretty hard and on my relationship with Gary. You guys remember him? Most of my rant stories were usually about him and I. Well we broke up. It was meant to happen eventually. Not that I wanted it to happen because I was happy….well to a point. Image

When he graduated he went back to baltimore and it got worse and worse trying to find time to talk or skype or anything really. The time difference and me working at Frys Electronics and him working at a retail store as well. It just was harder to make things to work then to let things go. He broke up with me in the fall and it was not as hard as I thought. I just felt like I wasn’t in a relationship because we never talked. We felt like friends. I started to like someone else and he changed my life completely…Image

Yeah I know he came out of nowhere. I met him at a mutual friend party and we interned together but we never met because I was sick or he couldn’t make it or whatever. When the internship ended I kept up with everyones vlogs or youtube channels. Then I found him and saw he did stuff daily and started to watch. He was…well is hilarious. I felt  bad that I never got to meet him during the internship. But I kept watching as a side thing and kinda became a fan. But it wasn’t that big of a deal till Stefan had a end of the world party. It was during the mayan calendar thing. So Ashley and I went because I haven’t seen peeps from the internship in a long while and Stefan’s parties were always out of this world. We arrived and saw some friendly faces and I introduced ash to all the ones I knew. Then out of the corner of my eye Neil came up and introduced himself. I instantly knew who he was. I told him I watched his vlogs and told ash how funny he was and we got to talking. He was also very drunk so I thought eh he won’t remember me come morning. I enjoyed the party and something about him stood out and I started to want to hang out with him. But of course when he isn’t piss drunk. The next day him and stefan came to my job and I was stunned. He remembered most of the party but a lot about me. They hung around for a bit and then left. I wanted to talk more but I had work. Then we exchanged numbers and we didnt stop talking. I felt an instant connection that I’ve never and I mean ever felt. We finally went out and I wanted to be around him all the time. He felt the same way and it has been walking on clouds since. ImageImageImageImageImage

I can say that socially my life has never been better. I finally feel like I’m special and finally in love with someone who truly cares about me for me. What can I say…..I’m in love ❤

But back to things that aren’t extremely gag worthy. That’s pretty much it. I’ve jumped from job to job. I was depressed for a while since I didn’t feel like I was worth anything. And be stuck where I was. I even thought of killing myself many times during the year. Then I said no, I want more out of life! I quit Frys Electronics to work at Six Flags Magic Mountain. It was a fun summer and I bumped into a old friend from jr high and that was so awesome. Also met amazing people but sadly I couldn’t stay since there was a scheduling problem. So now we bring back to the present.

My family and I are on the rocks a bit. Mostly because I am having a hard time finding a good job with good pay again and trying to move out on my own. But I love them dearly and at the same time I think I need to venture on my own for a bit. or forever…whatever comes first. Image

My best friend Janelle moved to North Carolina. I’m happy for her. She’s living with her sister, found a job and happy. I’m so glad she got out. I have to admit, I’m extremely jealous but also over the top happy for her because like I said, She’s free of LA stress. So proud.Image

I’m just blessed to have such great friends and they keep me level headed and out of trouble. I’m trying to live life as much as I can before I get tied down with a job or anything else that could happen. Its not Yolo or anything but its mostly if I don’t do it now, I won’t have time to do it later. Image

Then ends this tale, Phew that was long but I will try to post more often then just a year at a time. That was far to long my Wpressers. See you soon and Stay awesome!