I open my eyes and my world is a blur. I blinked over and over to clear up my vision so I can tell what was going on. As the bright light sent a stinging sensation to my newborn like eyes, I sat up and let them adjust to my surroundings. I looked around my room to see this wasn’t my room back in California. Forgot where I was for a second. It was a small apartment with a table, two chairs, flowers in every corner. A tiny kitchen and with my little dog sleeping next to the oven, Oh that dog always was sleeping. There was a sliver tray with a teapot and some round biskets that looked like thick pancakes. Crumpets! I thought to myself, My girlfriend must have made them before she went out on the town. Been with my girlfriend for over 2 years now and she was always begging me to come visit her home town, just can’t believe I’m here. 

I walked over towards the window to see the busy street of Oxnard with Double Decker buses and people strolling down below me. I can hear all the chatter of people’s plans for the day or tourist trying to find their way.  It was gloomy just as she warned me, not as busy as I thought it would be.  I can see that the sun was trying to poke its tiny head out here and it was very beautiful. We were high up enough to see Big Ben. Or I think that’s big ben. Not awake enough for that. Need some tea or coffee. Finished my first crumpet and walked over to grab another one. There was a note next to the teacup. It looked neat with little drawn flowers around the corners and little doodles of smiley faces. She is so cheesy but I love her. ” Hey darling, didn’t want to wake you so went to grab some food by the local market for dinner, Go explore and maybe even get a few pictures with the palace guards or visit the Bridge before it falls. Love always Rene. She even added a cherrio at the end of that, so English. I gently grabbed my cup of tea and sipped it. The soothing but hot tea flowed down my throat and sent a warm sensation all over my body. I could sit here all day in this flat and just enjoy this tea. Then her clock in the kitchen chirped. Hated that old bird clock, Her ex girlfriend bought it for her in the town square, was so annoying. It chirped again and I realized it was already noon, didn’t want to waste the day. So I gulped my tea down, bad mistake,  I put on some clothes and walked out the door.  As I locked that door I started to hum the tune London Bridge is falling down. Couldn’t help but laugh at myself for that one. But it didn’t matter, another adventure awaits here in gloomy but beautiful London town.


Quickie Update (Sorry for the long Post)

Holy wow WordPress,

It has been a while, and I mean a very very very very long time. I think its time to update you on everything that has happened this past year.

So lets start off with a few things. I have graduated from AAU. I believe I already covered that in one of my previous posts but this year has been tough since I graduated. Image

Mom and I have been at each other’s throat trying to find me a full time job and good pay and all that good jazz.

Then I did a internship. It was at Defranco Creative. IF you know him, he’s a youtuber named Philip Defranco. Look him up, he’s pretty cool. I met some pretty amazing people and they have been very awesome in my life since I lost all my friends from high school. They have slowly become my gang. And I love every moment of it.ImageImageImageImageImage

Jasmine, Reina, Tiffany, Stefan, Sara, Corey, Neil and Charlie. They have been with me for a while. Not Janelle or Ashley or Shobek status but pretty damn close. The internship was very very hard but I made friendships that I will cherish forever. But then after that I couldn’t find a job. I started to teach karate after the internship ended and then worked for Frys Electronics and that was a horrible experience. It wasn’t getting any better.It was hitting me pretty hard and on my relationship with Gary. You guys remember him? Most of my rant stories were usually about him and I. Well we broke up. It was meant to happen eventually. Not that I wanted it to happen because I was happy….well to a point. Image

When he graduated he went back to baltimore and it got worse and worse trying to find time to talk or skype or anything really. The time difference and me working at Frys Electronics and him working at a retail store as well. It just was harder to make things to work then to let things go. He broke up with me in the fall and it was not as hard as I thought. I just felt like I wasn’t in a relationship because we never talked. We felt like friends. I started to like someone else and he changed my life completely…Image

Yeah I know he came out of nowhere. I met him at a mutual friend party and we interned together but we never met because I was sick or he couldn’t make it or whatever. When the internship ended I kept up with everyones vlogs or youtube channels. Then I found him and saw he did stuff daily and started to watch. He was…well is hilarious. I felt  bad that I never got to meet him during the internship. But I kept watching as a side thing and kinda became a fan. But it wasn’t that big of a deal till Stefan had a end of the world party. It was during the mayan calendar thing. So Ashley and I went because I haven’t seen peeps from the internship in a long while and Stefan’s parties were always out of this world. We arrived and saw some friendly faces and I introduced ash to all the ones I knew. Then out of the corner of my eye Neil came up and introduced himself. I instantly knew who he was. I told him I watched his vlogs and told ash how funny he was and we got to talking. He was also very drunk so I thought eh he won’t remember me come morning. I enjoyed the party and something about him stood out and I started to want to hang out with him. But of course when he isn’t piss drunk. The next day him and stefan came to my job and I was stunned. He remembered most of the party but a lot about me. They hung around for a bit and then left. I wanted to talk more but I had work. Then we exchanged numbers and we didnt stop talking. I felt an instant connection that I’ve never and I mean ever felt. We finally went out and I wanted to be around him all the time. He felt the same way and it has been walking on clouds since. ImageImageImageImageImage

I can say that socially my life has never been better. I finally feel like I’m special and finally in love with someone who truly cares about me for me. What can I say…..I’m in love ❤

But back to things that aren’t extremely gag worthy. That’s pretty much it. I’ve jumped from job to job. I was depressed for a while since I didn’t feel like I was worth anything. And be stuck where I was. I even thought of killing myself many times during the year. Then I said no, I want more out of life! I quit Frys Electronics to work at Six Flags Magic Mountain. It was a fun summer and I bumped into a old friend from jr high and that was so awesome. Also met amazing people but sadly I couldn’t stay since there was a scheduling problem. So now we bring back to the present.

My family and I are on the rocks a bit. Mostly because I am having a hard time finding a good job with good pay again and trying to move out on my own. But I love them dearly and at the same time I think I need to venture on my own for a bit. or forever…whatever comes first. Image

My best friend Janelle moved to North Carolina. I’m happy for her. She’s living with her sister, found a job and happy. I’m so glad she got out. I have to admit, I’m extremely jealous but also over the top happy for her because like I said, She’s free of LA stress. So proud.Image

I’m just blessed to have such great friends and they keep me level headed and out of trouble. I’m trying to live life as much as I can before I get tied down with a job or anything else that could happen. Its not Yolo or anything but its mostly if I don’t do it now, I won’t have time to do it later. Image

Then ends this tale, Phew that was long but I will try to post more often then just a year at a time. That was far to long my Wpressers. See you soon and Stay awesome!

Slam Poetry

Today didnt do much. Lazy day # I can’t remember because there have been too many but I spent most of my time on youtube like I usually do. But my best friend showed me some pretty great videos from different slam poetry events. These people are so head strong and amazing! I’ve always wanted to go and listen to them live but not sure where they are held.  Here are some of them so that maybe you too can see the awesome and emotional events that happened to these people but have kept them going strong to this day.

Job Crazy!!!!

Well I have finally lost most of my brain from being back home and in the heat of San Fernando Valley. With the rest of the rat pack back in SF for school, I’m here trying to find a part time. I have been trying to find a full time gig since March and well to no prevail. But I ended up working at Vector Marketing. You know the ones who show you how much they pay and then you don’t get it what they promised and they go back on their word. Well after this weird but fun internship I have been just banging my head on a desk wanting another job where I can meet new people and learn new things. I hope I find one soon 😦

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Hey Everyone

Hey WordPress peeps,

I know I don’t write here anymore and I apologize. I think I will go back and start randomly writing again. I have been trying to find a new way to relief stress without having to punch a wall or face here and there so I’m reverting back to blogging. Now again not very good at this since I can get suuuper lazy but I promise to do a blog entry a day. Just to put something up about my day! So it will be called a little slice of hell and heaven. To show my ups and downs of the day. Hope you enjoy!

Dancing with Myself

Brenda tied her ballet shoes. She let the pink silk ribbon run through her fingers like running water. She smiled as she stretched the top her of feet. They are already red from all the drills and routines she went through daily. She stretched the rest of her body and hummed a tune. ” I can’t wait to see their faces.” she thought to herself. ” I will be the best there is…just wait and see” she smiled as she walked onto the stage. And now Brenda Stanson shall grace us with her new dance. duckling to swan. The crowd claps for her entrance. She takes a deep breath and gets to the middle of the stage. Breathe Bre, Just relax, you can do this.  she said in a faint whisper. She raised her arms and started her dance. She could hear the whispers of the audience. ” what form!, what  grace she has” she kept a straight face as she lept and landed on her feet . ” her arms and legs seem to not end” one man said. ” I know and her movements are so smooth and slick” one woman said. She loved all the great responses. It didnt seem a bad remark came from anyone. and that’s what she like to hear. She was doing her last spin before her finale. the music became louder and then she took her last leap and when she landed it was perfect. The crowd clapped and stood up. Some even threw roses at her feet. She bowed and smiled to everyone. She opened her eyes and slowly felt her body go numb and fall over. when she hit the floor it was in slow motion. ” they loved me ” she whispered as she looked around the blurry empty theatre. ” it was all in my mind” as she felt her heart slow down. But the loudness of her heartbeat sounded like the audience clapping. “I dont care…they loved me” She kept saying that as her eyes started to get heavy and set into darkness.


I know its a bit dark but I have been into a lot of ballet lately and also wonder how it felt to practice all your life and die before you get to do your thing or life long dream.

September 11

Another day at the office. It is a cold Tuesday morning coming into the same building, going to the elevator, and ask the nice man who’s always  in a rush to get to his floor. Press 77 please? Finally I get out of the crowded elevator and go all the way across the room to my small and quite suffocating cubical. All I can hear is my coworkers talking about what they are doing this week or what they are planning to do this weekend. I can smell the coffee being brewed a few cubicles down. Yup! It was a normal day at work and nothing has seemed to change.

Then Brad comes up to me to talk about his crazy mother; pestering him about his bills and him finding a wife. “I don’t know why she’s always saying, find a nice wholesome girl. I’m not 5 years old and I know God will find me someone. You know one of these days I will- CRASH!!!!!! What in the world? What was that? I couldn’t hear a thing. What’s going on? Screaming, moaning, people in fear. Brad helps me up, “are you ok, Debra?” Yeah, what in the world just happened? A PLANE JUST HIT OUR BUILDING BELOW US!! someone shouted from across the room. There were people panicking all over the office. How are we going to get out, I need to call my family. why would a plane hit the tower? So many questions, not many answers. Brad grabs my hand, “Deb Let’s go!”

Another scream, “ANOTHER PLANE JUST CRASHED INTO THE OTHER TOWER!” We all ran towards the window, to see that the other building was indeed hit. Fire and smoke flowed out of the building like a rushing waterfall. All I could do was put my hand up to me mouth in shock. Why is this happening? What have we done to deserve this? “Brad what are you doing, this is no time to go to your desk and start work, cant you see we are kind of in the middle of a crisis!” He turned to me with his light blue ocean eyes full of fear. “I..I… I have to call my mother…I have to tell her something.” I knew as just like others, they were making phone calls to their families and I should to. As I walked towards my cubical, people around me are holding each other and crying. Some where kneeling down by their desks praying to God to save them. It seems like it was all just a dream, or at least I wanted it to be. I went to my desk and picked up the phone. I called my apartment to see if anyone was home, but like always no one was there. I should leave a message I thought to myself. When I heard the beep I started to speak but nothing came out. Then I said ” Hey sis, its me Deb. Um, I dont know if your still  asleep or at work but um I love you and I hope to see you soon.” Brad came to my desk smiling hoping that get the nasty feeling I had in my stomach. Then out of no where the floor started to drop. I was so scared, I screamed so loud and my thoughts were all shouting as well . “GOD PLEASE SAVE ME, I KNOW I HAVENT BEEN THE GREATEST CHRISTIAN I CAN BE, PLEASE SAVE ME!!!. People all aournd me were screaming and we knew this was the end. OH GOD PLEASE DON’T TELL ME THIS IS HOW IT ENDS!!!!

I wake up on a warm bed with a blanket. Was it just a dream after all. where am I? “Debra? Debra Smith? Can you hear me? Jas is that you? Yes sis! how are you feeling? I felt like I was hit by a train. I said trying to sit up. You could only be so lucky if it was a train. I’m surprised you made it out alive. who else jas? You are one of the few to survive. How many sis? You should just be hap- HOW MANY JASMINE?! she looked down and a single tear ran down her face. 20 only survived out of both towers.
Brad? What about Brad?  She shook her head. I couldnt help it, I dove my head into my hands and sobbed. I’m sorry Deb, he was holding you  when they found you. he must of grabbed you as you guys fell 8 stories. I’m so sorry Deb. She came in for a hug and at first I pushed but she grabbed me. I couldnt help but melt into her arms. ” You should be happy he cared and that’s why he held you, and he’s in a better place.” As hurt as I was and upset I knew she had a point. When it was dark and my sister fast asleep. All I could do was whisper in the darkness of my hospital room underneath the moonlight was ” Thank you God for saving me and saving Brad.


(I wrote this my senior year for a speech contest. I dont remember if it made people cry or not. It was just an idea since My aunt died in 9/11. hope you enjoy)