Today is nothing special. Just resting. Been trying to work out since I have been feeling a little slower and out of shape. But I think I over did it because I am in sooo much pain, I can barely walk without saying the word ow. But room mates are helping. Sadly my guy isnt really paying much attention to me lately which bothers me but then again trying to give me space. But you know us girls, when someone special in your life is not giving you the time of day it can drive a woman mad. Any ways, been feeling really unloved lately. Just kind of there and stuck in the same scene over and over. Nothing new or exciting. Always mad about money, alwasy sad because someone hurt me, this and that. Now trying to make myself a better person by writing more and working out and being more confident but all it does is bring more pain ( literally) in my life. I feel super lonely when I’m surrounded by friends. And I dont know how to fix that. I mean i laugh and joke and stuff but i feel like i’m a country apart trying to talk to them. I know I shouldnt feel that way. I have amazing friends. The best i’ve had in a long time. But still…..Maybe its just me. Maybe i have a problem. I can love someone soo much that it feels like they dont love me as much and it hurts. i shake every night thinking about me dying and them not even shedding a tear. Esp my ex and best friend. I got him a present and i had to wait because i didnt have money. I send it to him in the mail because he didnt want to come here and see me and get it person and all i get is a text..thanks I love it. And i say ur welcome but then nothing. Like it never happened. He took me to dinner for my b-day. but i had to go see him to do that.
I dunno I know I shouldnt be giving my whole 110% to people who dont do the same but at the same time i cant help it and I always get hurt. I thought I would of grown out of this big time but nothing has changed except i actually dislike someone really badly( i usually love everyone so that’s new for me) but anyways, I guess I have m grandma’s heart. She will do everything in her power to make others happy even if that means her being hurt in the process. I love her and i believe sadly I am becoming her. Very Sensitive and I’m trying to break that big time but its not working. Not sure if I should continue to break it or just accept it. What do you think word press? Lemme know! for now going to listen to josh groban and lie down. Bye!!!