I know i havent been on for a while but i was trying to make a new. It had been a rocky start to my summer and i want to finish it strong. Me and my Ex are having problems since i thought that we can still be friends and let everything pass but sadly that isnt happening. At first it was killing me inside but now its just another thing of the past. I am super proud of how he is treating his life and he knows( well i think he knows) that i’m not going anywhere and that i love him very much but sadly i know things ended badly and i’ll admit i could of handled things better but i’m human. So i dont need him and he doesnt need me. I can definitly handle that.
And now on to my high school friends. I recently found out that the girls i grew up in high school that were close friends and well my only girlfriends i had since not many people like me in general i thought would have my back for anything. Well i thought wrong. as i was gone for college aparently they have been conversing to eachother about how bad of a friend i am but still acted like everything is ok. Now they live in South California and i am going to school in North California. So when i got back for this summer i tried to call them up to hang out and they never answered. I knew something was up but i let it go since i thought hey its summer, they are busy. But then one day i was at a friends house using her computer and one of the girls was online so i sent a chat and well i wish i hadnt. She started naming all the bad things that i was doing and even things that happened 3 years ago. It was just so frustrating. And I even talked to my ex( which was a bad idea) and he agreed and i didnt know i was just this bad of a person. I mean they even made a twitter of all the things i said and made fun of me. It was mortifying or however you spell it. But i did my angry crying and got even more depressed then i usually get and even my pills could get the pain away at this point.
But after not sleeping and talking to both my parents and wise words from gary i realized you know what i dont need them! That is so high school what they pulled. Not even telling the problem when it first started and letting it get bigger and making a hate twitter? it actually made me laugh at it and say wow how old are we? so it made me finally see that i am going to be 20 and i dont need this drama. People will come and go and i always put too much trust. My heart is like a Arichoke, A leaf for everyone. But not anymore. i will be nice but i wont put my 100 percent of trust on them anymore. and I will just be strong and let this one slide. They said they want us to work through it but really they just want me to bow down and fix what i did. and sadly if i do nothing will change. So i am going to be more confident and not let anyone get to me ever! cuz they arent worth my time and effort. I’m too tired for this.I have a future to think of..not waste it on the past.
I’ll try to put more positive things on my word press! sorry guys….